Okay, I know this sounds kind of TMI to a lot of people out there, so if you are one of them, I apologize, but I feel like this needs to be posted. I had such a difficult time with this, and I wasn't able to find a lot of helpful resources, I felt like I needed to post this. Even if it only helps one person, it'll be worthwhile. I recently weaned my 2.5 year old son. It was the most difficult part of parenting thus far and took me a long time to do it. But it wasn't as bad as I had originally made it out to be. I know I wrote a lot, I just wanted to be as detailed as possible so I could offer help. If you have any questions please comment, if I can help, I will! If I can't, maybe someone else passing by can. :)
I guess a back story is in order. ;) I am the middle of seven children, all of us nursed some, and some of us nursed past one. My mom was working and young and was not able to nurse us all as long as she wanted to. I witnessed my mother nursing my three younger siblings and honestly, it seemed natural to me. I never imagined myself not nursing, so when I became pregnant and doctors began asking me, I automatically said, yes I am nursing. When my son was born he had a webbed tongue (I believe it is called). Basically that webbing underneath your tongue, the part that connects your tongue to the bottom of your mouth, well it's normally not connected very far, which means you can stick your tongue out. Well, my babies was connected all the way to the tip of his tongue, so he couldn't stick his tongue out. This made the first few days of his life not only very painful, but next to impossible to nurse him. I pumped and he received some formula. After he got his tongue clipped (very painless procedure, he didn't even cry), I had to wear a nipple shield to get him to latch on. This continued for two months of his life. Long story short, I had a difficult time getting him to eat without it, but I was dedicated and was successful in getting him to nurse without it. This created such a special feeling for me in nursing. It was something I fought for. I loved nursing my baby. It was good for him, it gave me special time with him, and it was convenient.
Even with these feelings, I only wanted to nurse him for a year. It's not that I had prejudice against nursing a toddler per say, I just thought a year seemed like a good age to stop. Well when a year came, he was still a baby to me, and it didn't seem right to wean him. When 18 months came, I tried. I failed. He cried and threw a fit. He didn't understand. I felt so terrible, I just gave in.
This is where I will complain a bit. When I began nursing I had so much support. I had so many people giving me tips and calling to check in on me. I called the Le Leche League and they would tell me how to be successful, and I was thankful. They told me to nurse him when he was sad, nurse him to sleep, nurse him...nurse him...nurse him. I was grateful for their help, but it made it really difficult to wean him. I was facing an 18 month old child who didn't know how to go to sleep without nursing. I had an 18 month old child that would get sad and automatically want to nurse. No one told me how to get him to cope other ways, or when to stop this. I felt like I had been a successful nursing case, I'd nursed a child for 18 months! I had no idea what I was doing. I felt like no one had good answers either. I went to breastfeeding forums for support, nothing. I felt like all they cared about was getting me to breastfeed and didn't care about after. Anyways I don't want to rant. Long story short, I was very unsuccessful.
At this point he was only nursing to sleep and if he hurt himself and wanted to be soothed. By the time he was two he was only nursing to sleep for one nap and at night. When he would hurt himself I would just love him and offer him to hold a toy he liked or even give him a lollipop (don't judge me!).
Now the massive hurdle of night time. I tried putting him in his room when he was almost asleep, it made me feel evil. After all, we got into this together, we will get out of this together. My husband works a sporadic schedule, so I was on my own. I didn't have a partner I could pass him to for night time, even though I have heard that works wonders for some people. I read somewhere that it is less traumatic, although more difficult, to do it this way. I tried nursing him until he was almost asleep and popping him off and rocking him to sleep. This worked sometimes, but not consistently. All kids are different, and this may work well for someone else. What did work involved tears, on both our parts, but not as many as some of the methods I tried.
I sat in my glider, and would nurse him for a few minutes. I would tell him before hand that I would only nurse while I sang whatever song, it would come out to maybe 3 or 4 minutes each side. I then popped him off and he was done. He was not asleep. I didn't feel mean, because I wasn't say absolutely not, I was just saying he wasn't going to fall asleep that way anymore. I had a lot easier time eliminating feedings that weren't related to his sleep. So I thought, if I could separate nursing and sleeping in his mind, then I could eliminate nursing all together easier.
He cried. He tried to fight my shirt open, he yelled, he even hit me. He didn't understand. I kept my calm, I never yelled, never spanked, nothing like that. I just told him that I loved him so much, but I needed him to cuddle with me night night. I told him I was happy to hold him and love him, but he was not going to nurse. Sometimes (okay a lot of times, haha) I would set him on the ground while I was in the glider, cause he got himself really worked up, he wasn't listening to me. He always wanted me to hold him again. I picked him up, and I hugged him and rocked him. He would stop crying when I picked him up.
I know this sounds mean, I am sure there are people who will read this and feel so bad for my son, I get it. But PLEASE keep in mind, I nursed him until he was 2.5. At this point he was about a month shy of 2.5. He was able to understand some of it if he would calm down enough to listen. At this point I was beyond done. Not because I didn't love him, but because I wanted to be able to have my body back. He had teeth, it hurt a lot of times, I knew he was able to get his food and drink elsewhere. I just felt like I needed to stop. Everyone is different, I know some people couldn't imagine weaning a 2.5 year old, but please keep in mind, I nursed him far longer then the norm. I celebrate what I was able to accomplish because it's not often you see someone nurse past one year.
Back to the story -At this point, he would still nurse in the middle of the night. I was so terrible with this. I would be so tired, I would forget to tell him no.
Within maybe three nights, when I was trying to get him to sleep, he wouldn't even try to nurse after I asked him to "pop off," as I would say. It took me maybe three nights of tears, and I had gotten him to differentiate between nursing and sleeping. I kept this up for a few weeks because I was okay with just maybe a 5-10 minute nursing session. At this point I was still nursing at night when he woke up. Once I was ready to move on, I made the nursing session even shorter. Then after a few days, I just eliminated them all together. There was some crying here or there for him, but it was really short lived. What the first two nights taught me is that he can do it. And the next morning, he would wake up, and guess what, he didn't hate me! It was like it never happened! He still loved his mama! What I found was that once he stopped nursing to sleep, he started waking less frequently to nurse. Now, he never wakes up. When he did wake up, I just told him no, I'd hold him. I would give him a drink of water (I filled an empty Capri Sun up with water after rinsing it out a few times. This way he didn't have to sit up, and was more inclined to go right back to sleep) and tell him to go back to sleep.
I realize it sounds silly, but I think that was part of my reluctance to wean, I thought it would change our relationship. But I can say, my little guy hasn't nursed at all in probably two or three weeks, and maybe twice total in the past six weeks, and I think he is more cuddly now then he was before. That has been the only change. He loves to give me "giant kisses" and "big hugs!" I am so relieved that this process is not only over, but that it left my relationship with my son better then it was before, as crazy as that sounds.
So to anyone out there weaning a toddler, or any child for that matter, I feel your pain. I was there. I do not envy you! Haha, but it does get better. It gets easier. The first 2-3 nights are the worst. In fact, expect to get hardly any sleep. Plan it on a weekend or whenever you feel comfortable being a zombie. Once you make progress, DON'T let them regress. I did that several times when he was younger, he would get sick, or I would and I would just let him nurse again. This was just confusing to him, I think it taught him that I would give in if he made it miserable enough. So don't start weaning until you know your ready, but don't wait until you need to do it NOW. This method may not work, and maybe something else will. Give yourself time, maybe a few months. Do what feels right. For me, I wanted to hold him when he was sad.
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